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Through the Fear of It

by Arroyo Deathmatch

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Let go, without me, no one lives on, a wound with no blood. Childhood memories being arm deep in an animal carcass, being sorry for the way people felt about things I didn’t do, in the past held down and engaged upon sexually, arguments that never end but rise up once again. Frosted breath, blackened hex, eyes dead set, on end ahead, trembling mess, soon ending this, known no sense, the night undressed. Burn it down, burn it down, burn it down, Know not how. Dig it up, dig it up, dig it up, Lost for years. Caught ablaze, caught ablaze, caught ablaze, light and pain, lose your grip, lose your grip, lose your grip, give up again. The spinning of a wheel, the beating of a heart, I hear it in my head, death rides a bike.
This shit happened to my dad, on a pedestal he was sacrificed, for outing the US government, for improperly disposing of nuclear waste, they took away his livelihood and name, for trying to do what’s right. I watched the once strong man I knew, disappear into the night. Urban graves for fetal sharks, the competition ate up all parts. locked and lost in the dark, the illusion of strength was a farce. unable to see in mirror shards, the reflection was that of my father lost. Our poorly buried mistakes, haunt us from shallow graves, like the weight of regret, sitting on my father’s chest. Each labored breath, a wound in an exposed neck. Even at our best we can’t refrain, from drinking blood again. When honesty becomes treason, a civilization deserves to fall. When the truth becomes a reason, to build another wall. We have decided collectively, that corrupt institutions, are more important than the people that serve them, or the society they’re meant to serve.
On a path from divine love, to something that makes sense in the heart, I’m ripping out these nails, to turn this cross upside down, once again, this myth to upset, an order imposed by god, breaking this cage in the heart, for a conscientious love. Biology imposes too upon my human choice, chemicals speak unseen, silent mechanical voice, divorcing my relationships from the ways I’ve made meaning, I work to build between us both, love’s not a feeling. No love will live forever, no gentle touch is perfect in grace, that suits me just fine, our greatness is not divine. Agency takes the place of the way we’ve been conditioned to feel, Our ability to decide for ourselves exists beyond the modern gods of Darwin and Abraham. This love is not a biological cage, this love is not spoiled by a belief in god, this love is selfish but it’s true, this love is free of any law. Meet the challenge of the love you choose, may effort be your guide.
Feast 05:25
I’ve seen police turn and run from it, entire cities shut down. I’ve seen the world spell-bound by it, mute to the sound. I’ve felt the ghost fire of it, when we break the rules in a crowd. If you want to be a part of it, speak it aloud. I’m not just naive, I’m hell bent, on seeing us rise, all the oppressed. The changes inside, and the world as it is, the difference won’t resolve, the conflict goes on. They think they can win if they can keep you sick, denied your very life. Shackled to the idea of punishment, alteration through captivity. A structure constructed with endless sides, so complex it can’t be seen. Subsumed since birth in collective identity, lost in the tide. I began to hate the state the day I first fell in love, they can’t stop us if they don’t know what we’re up to. When it comes upon us oppression will slip away like a dream, conflated with identity, more a sickness than a thing. You think you know darkness, I’ll swallow the moon. Transformation is endless and long overdue, the world isn’t now the way it once was, so we gladly feast on those that would subdue us.
Solstice 01:02
Moth Bites 04:49
Moth dust filled up the room like a downpour of cinders caught in a sunbeam, particulates wafted on the breeze pushed by the flutter of filthy wings, they spun, spun like the web catching dew in the morning woven by spiders, or like a spinning galaxy, stars overhead in the system of chaotic catastrophe. Carried away by light, carried away on flame. As we sprayed the aerial poisons, the bodies piled up, carapace upon carapace, until there was nothing left. and only the roaches broke the silence, chittering in darkness, and we learned nothing from tyranny, among the bones of an ecology. Black, black as the nights that were once navigated using the stars, by tiny trembling furry astronomers seeking a small light to share, lost, lost to the waste of efficiency, in the light a new kind of dark. Frail motionless wings, burned and dismembered, bodies taken apart.
Messed up, belligerent, gin soaked, intoxicated, fucked up, damaged, shitty, shitfaced. Sloshed, smashed, trashed, loaded, wrecked, wasted, blasted, plastered, tanked, blitzed, hammered, schwasted, toasted, faded, crashed, buzzed, ruined, skulled, skunked, soaked, addled. Afflicted. Gone, lost, fucked. Trashed, wrecked, pissed. Faced, bent, lit. Smashed, drunk, done.
Created the false dichotomy, between Lilith and Mary, choked out by patriarchy, and told a lie of genetic prophecy, Fuck your test to see if we fit the mold, witches will scream until our stories are told. born of western cultural fears, under the boot for ten thousand years. They’ll hold your head under water and they’ll call you a bitch, if you can’t hold your breath it’s you’re a fault you’re a witch, if you don’t succumb to the cold waters and drown, they’ll smear your name all over this town. In the streets they call you out and tell you what you're worth a piece of meat to scrutinize, a commodity since birth feel the pressure to walk that straight and narrow line to resist this gendered prison would be your greatest crime because if you dare to live your life and forget that weight of shame they'll pull your hair and call you Slut and submerge your head again they use your body against you while they hold their bodies against you until it doesn't belong to you a symbol, object, tool Be a slut be a prude, no matter you're rude from fishnets to ties, all I hear are your lies catcalls and grunts, lude gestures the works look at you who gets all the perks there's blood on our hands every 28 days but the pain that you spread sets the whole world ablaze I'm a dyke, I'm a femme, no matter I pick everyday it's my choice, I'll get blood on your dick Destroy shame of your anatomy decolonize your stolen body reclaim your right to subjectivity lay ruin to the false dichotomy fight the cold waters by all means to ignite this town in witches’ screams go ahead girl go ahead, get down, go ahead girl, go ahead, get down
Famine 05:41
Restricted perspective, Constructed perception, Cryptic confession, Futile transmission. I am our collective fear of dying of hunger, running down the mountain bloody, I will bite all of our necks For a taste of flesh, a gout of blood, till we’re all dead. I feel like there’s a city inside me and the lights go on and off, and this place is less about me and more about who I’m not, and the structure inside seems to go on and on, no maker, no creator, no engineer, I swear I’m not making this up. I am our collective fear of the apocalypse, bringing about our end through the fear of it.


Alex: uke, vox
Beth: flute, vox
Leon: drums
Matt: bejota
Jett: washboard, vox

Thank you all for learning with us, screaming with us, and dancing with us. To anyone who has supported Goathead Record Collective: Thanks, because without you, we and countless other bands could not record. Thank you to those who put themselves at great risk to fight the oppressive systems we live in and those who work to build something better. Thank you to those who keep D.I.Y culture alive by promoting shows, maintaining venues, opening up their homes for shows and travelers, and putting energy into collectives and other projects. Transformation is endless.
Also thanks to: Missy, Bill “Wizard Eye” Bullock, Alex Gillikin, and Kanye West (for letting us show him how it’s done).


released January 18, 2014

Recorded at the Wagon Wheel in Albuquerque, NM in December 2013. Engineered by Leon, mixed by Beth, mastered by Riff-Rekordz. Guest cello by Zach Gerzon. Album art by Beth.

To purchase a CD, visit: arroyodeathmatch.storenvy.com/products/4785475-through-the-fear-of-it-cd




Arroyo Deathmatch Albuquerque, New Mexico

evil folk for evil folks

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